Baby Step

A bit stressed out these days. 

There's a lot that I wanted to do but too little time. They said hold big vision, take baby step towards it. This kinda right and allows me to move on slowly. 

I'm in my final year of a dental surgeon degree. I really do not hope to see myself struggle in my working life later, I want to be a dentist with enough pile of knowledge in my mind and able to give a right and reasonable diagnosis for my patient. I want to give the best I can give for a patient and treat a patient as a patient but not only just looking at their teeth. Unfortunately, these stress only start up in my final year, the year before I hold another greater responsibilities. But I considered it as better late than never. 

I may thought myself wanting to start up a great year and be a great person, that's why I finally showed up my enthusiasm in dentistry, but this is just part of it, a lecturer of mine pointed the problem out when I failed to write a good report and give at least some differential diagnosis of the patient, he told me that do I want to be a dentist that drills holes only, or a dentist that can hold up the title "Dr" in front of my name. This really got me into a deep thought, I need a change. A change in my current attitude. I used to see my career as a job or a work that keep me in living. I lose the enthusiast in learning, I just go with the flow, without passion in what I'm doing, more like a puppet in dental school. But this is wrong, this would only lead me to a wrong path, I want to be passionate in what I'm doing and slowly gain that enthusiasm. I always think that why others can choose what they want and why can't I choose what I want to be. Until I saw an old lady working as full time in mcd, then I questioned myself, do you think that she can choose her life? Even though she's tired but she still puts on smile sometimes. That's life, my dear. Embrace your life and stop being depressed. 

The past has actually taught me a great lesson, I start to love myself more and start to look out the problems in my life. I start to think more maturely, taking tiny steps to slowly find out which way is the right way for me to move on. I was really fragile and negative, I couldn't handle downs in my life, thankfully, I learnt to hold up everything in my throat and swallow them down until I digested them all. I do still feel emotional sometimes, but the time that get me through is getting lesser and lesser, I'm able to let myself to calm down and think positively. 

Finger crossed that everything will be fine. 2020 will be a great year ahead. Leave the past and remember the lesson learnt. Be harsh to yourself and move on! You will settle this and be a better person. ❤️

P/S: I will always remember what she had told me, if that matter doesn't bother you 10 years later, then why are you still thinking about it. Just move on.